Spring blossoms on the nectarine tree at Beagle's End

Although Saturday, March 20, at approximately midnight is the official first day of spring for 2010 in the Northern Hemisphere, the nectarine tree at Beagle’s End apparently didn’t get the memo. The darned thing is covered in delightful pink blossoms.

After a winter full of “unusual” weather, these little blossoms are a pleasant reminder that the juicy goodness of summer is just around the corner. I wish I could say the same for the nectarines. It seems like those suckers are crunchy and sour until summer’s last gasp.

Suffice it to say, the nectarines that escape early harvest by little fingers for sibling-pelting and other misuse, are eventually shared and enjoyed by neighbors, friends, family and anyone else who enjoys sweet fruit juice running down their chin.

Ah, Spring… so full of promise… and potential nectarines.

This was an oft-repeated, quick bedtime story for my girls when they were 5 and 7. You know, sometimes I found there just wasn’t time for a long, elaborate recital… it was just time to go to sleep… now. So here it is – short, sweet and to the point. Enjoy.

Vern the Vampire Visits the Dentist

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a vampire with a terrible toothache. For weeks, he moaned and groaned about his sore tooth. He complained constantly to his vampire friends about his unfortunate predicament until one of them, tired of his complaining no doubt, suggested, “Hey Vern, why don’t you just go to the dentist?”

So the next evening, just before closing time, Vern materialized in front of Dr. Spookemwell’s doorway.”I must be free of this horrible agony!” declared Vern in his thick Transylvanian accent as he leaned back in the dentist’s chair.

The ghostly dentist poked and prodded in the farthest reaches of Vern’s mouth until he found the culprit. With one foot on Vern’s forehead, he leaned in with the pliers. He rocked them back and forth, and grunting loudly, yanked free a 900-year-old piece of candy lodged behind Vern’s sore tooth.

Then, just like that, everything was better. The End.

The moral of this story?
Always brush your teeth before bedtime.

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I’ve told this story so many times, I know it by heart. The names of the princess and the dragon sometime change depending upon the audience, but here’s the version that gets the biggest reaction (mostly from Tessa).

The Princess, the Dragon & the Sceptre

Once upon a time, in a far away land full of beauty and magic, there lived a lovely princess named Sweetpea with long, flowing, golden locks. One day when the sun was shining bright, Princess Sweetpea decided to go for a walk in the woods just outside the castle.

So she opened the door to her bedroom, went down the long stairway from the top of the tallest tower, walked all the way through the courtyard, crossed the drawbridge, and started skipping down the dirt path leading into the dark forest.

No sooner did the castle disappear from view, when a huge, stinky, foul-tempered dragon named Tessa jumped out from behind a bush right into the middle of the path. “Who are you and where do you think you’re going?” snarled Tessa at Princess Sweetpea.

“I’m Princess Sweetpea and I’m going for a walk to get some exercise,” she replied. “There’s not much to do in the tallest tower of the castle.”
“Well, where’s your magic sceptre?” quizzed Tessa, hand on her dragon hip, blowing smoke balls into the air. “What do you mean?” asked Sweetpea.

Tessa gave an exasperated sigh, thrust her dragon palms out and explained, “Go back to your bedroom and look under your bed. Bring me the magic sceptre and I’ll let you pass.” With that Tessa tromped off into the bushes and Princess Sweetpea returned to the castle. She crossed the drawbridge, walked all the way across the very wide courtyard, climbed thousands of stairs to the top of the tallest tower and lifted up her bedspread from the floor. There, faintly sparkling in the darkness under her bed, lay a solid gold sceptre.

Sweetpea carefully cradled the sparkly sceptre in her arms, went back down the stairs, crossed the courtyard, then the drawbridge and skipped along the dirt path into the forest. Just like clockwork, as soon as Princess Sweetpea reached the exact same point on the path, Tessa the Dragon sprung out from the foilage and demanded, “Where’s the magic sceptre?!”

Princess Sweetpea held out the sceptre and said, “Here you go.” Quickly Tessa snatched the sceptre and without even saying thank you, retreated back into the forest, no longer posing a threat. With that, Princess Sweetpea went merrily on her way.
The End.

The moral of this story?
Always tell your mother where you’re going and when you’ll be back.

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